The Pregnancy Jar

I don't have children, so I've never experienced the highs and lows of pregnancy. As far as I can tell, the highs are amazing. People give you a seat on every bus you get on when you go to Disney World while the childless of the world end up standing up and holding onto a pole with our armpits wedged in a strangers face. And then there's meeting the baby for the first time. Which is, of course, much more exciting than getting a seat on the bus, but let's not diminish how great that bus thing is, okay.

And then there are the lows. I would imagine there are a lot of them; backaches, sore feet, etc. But, from what I've observed, the biggest low of all is the random rude comments strangers make in public. I have seen this happen to pregnant women in public many times. A pregnant woman is in the grocery store, just minding her own business when a random stranger (who isn't even looking all that cute themselves) walks up to her and says "you're huge." Oh wait, no. The lowercase letters I just used seem to imply that this is said in a quiet voice that no one else in the store can hear. It's more like "YOU'RE HUGE," said in the loudest voice possible, so everyone from the produce section all the way back to the frozen foods aisle can hear it. The pregnant woman stands there, wavering between embarrassment and murderous rage, while the stranger stands there with a look on his/her face that seems to imply that what they just said was cute and clever and inoffensive.

We, as a society need to ban together and put a stop to this awful behavior. My solution: the pregnancy jar. It's kind of like a swear jar, but for pregnant women. Every time someone tells you "you're huge" they have to put a dollar in the jar. If they say, "Are you sure you're not having twins," they have to put in two dollars, one dollar for the rudeness of that response and another dollar for their belief that this response is so clever and original that others couldn't help but be amused by it. At the end of the pregnancy, you can use the money to do something nice for yourself. Like, take a trip to Europe, for instance.

Other possible responses that warrant putting a dollar in the jar:
"I think as big as you are, you're definitely going to have this baby early."
"You look like you're miserable."
"Wow, how much weight have you gained?"

I'm sure you've been insulted in ways I can't even begin to imagine, so feel free to add your own special touches to this list, dear readers. And please know this, pregnant women of the world, even if we haven't been in your shoes, we're with you. We cringe when you cringe. We are horrified when you're horrified. And, just like you, we also fantasize sometimes about saying to the rude strangers, "Well you're not looking so great either. So while you're climbing down off that high horse, maybe you should remember that people who wear pajama pants to the grocery store shouldn't throw stones."

And if you are one of the random strangers of the world who likes to say "you're huge," I just have one thing to say to you: Stop it. Stop it right now. You can make amends for your grievous offense by going out right now and doing something nice for a pregnant woman. Give her your seat on the bus, for example.